bees

so many bees, so little time!

reading

re-reading what i wrote in the previous entry... i'm a little worried he might read it, but to wipe it away would probably mean i'm not being very honest with myself.

golly, what'd i need to do??

the feeling that eats at my gut

it's the sick-sad feeling that you get when you break up.

i haven't broken up yet but it sure feels like i have. there seems no point in continuing this relationship though... he does not fight for me to ask me to stay when i tell him i want to go. so much for "i can't live without you" kind of romance.

i haven't the guts to follow it through, neither. maybe i should very simply wean it off... it should be easy, considering he does not call during the day and does not even respond to sms-es. to feel unloved in a relationship is quite unconceivable, don't you think? you can be unloved when you're not in a relationship; and you can feel the same when you're in one.

does that not mean a relationship may be redundant?


i think i need to go out and date again. heart is breaking breaking has been breaking since he went into the army. it will probably continue to be chipped away steadily as this goes on.

i think i need to go out and date again.

insulted.

it's annoyingly disgusting how i am a romantic by nature.

---
on another note altogether - no, i don't want to fight. i don't want to have to fight for time, for affection, whatnot. if it's mine, everything will go swimmingly well. and i place it in His hands. i follow your lead, Lord.

Amen.

de-toofed munchkin

"it's not tuuf and me," says he.

"oh? then what," go i.

"it's the community, like how you interact with the people in [name erased] club."

"oh. i don't think i'll ever understand then - cause mostly i don't give a f*. in fact, i think i'll go concentrate on digesting now."


"..."

---

this is the kind of conversation we have, even when "arguing".

it's supposed to be like this