a new beginning

yes, i've deleted each and every one of the posts in this blog.

can you imagine HOW MANY CONFIRMATIONS i have to make when deleting them posts????

geebus.


but yes. this site, i declare, is no longer a site for my boyfriend's eyes only. it is open again, to "public", and please, share your comments and experiences. no more dramatic entries - i gotta respect myself more! :)


this is not a game, this is not a challenge. this is me getting my confidence level back, this is me being the happy person i was before i get into relationships. don't mistake me, i enjoyed your company, but these days - the quality of love you're giving to me - just doesn't cut it. it's like you're trying to play the stud.

i want to be happy. i want to be happy like i used to be happy. because no matter where i am, what i do and whom i'm with, i was happy. and i mean 98% of the time. now? oddly homey and weepy.

and you're not even the "bad boy" kind of person, who'm i kidding? if you can do this to me then it's screwy. I'M screwy, because i allowed it. and that's no-go zone.

well. having said that now.

i will continue to grow into who i am, who i will be. "weepy" and "pining" will not be in the list of words i use to describe myself.

i will mature as a bamboo plant will, because i am a bamboo plant and not a sunflower. i do not - WILL NOT - follow the sun all day.


yes, the old me is coming back. "i" have returned.

and if this works, great. if not, i've had a great time. who knows what the future holds, eh? i'm glad for all that's happened thus far, the good the bad and the effin' ugly.

cause without those i never would've arrived at this, finally. you may have known this your whole life but hey, i now know it too. :) i need to love myself, and now i am secure.