dear you,
i know there are times when i am not on my best behaviour; there are times when i didn't know how to better receive what you mean for me, to me. slowly, i see and i realise that. i'm sorry it took me so long.
there are a lot of things that i do not know about that goes on in your life, work and otherwise.
i just want you to know that, if ever you feel like you aren't "good enough", for work, for love, for etc etc etc -
i believe in you.
..i believe in you.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
asian
no, i cannot take "the asian way".
words unspoken are actions not fulfilled. sometimes, just sometimes, words equate action.
words unspoken are actions not fulfilled. sometimes, just sometimes, words equate action.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
listening to music, sitting in my chair
i got back from wherever today, and now i'm sitting here, perched on my wooden chair in front of the computer, listening to bobby darin drawl the song "i'm beginning to see the light".. and i'm missing someone.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
back
Me says: (20:54:33) if you hadn't been scaring me then i wouldn't be scared
Me says: (20:54:38) like now
Someone says: (20:55:14) :/
Someone says: (20:56:06) okies, have to go for a bit now
Someone says: (20:56:18) ttyl~
-snip-
Me says: (21:39:32) : +
when're you coming back?
Me says: (20:54:38) like now
Someone says: (20:55:14) :/
Someone says: (20:56:06) okies, have to go for a bit now
Someone says: (20:56:18) ttyl~
-snip-
Me says: (21:39:32) : +
when're you coming back?
The following message could not be delivered:
Me says: (21:39:32) : +
when're you coming back?
chris
me: 你问我会不会怕。不会，因为我已经变成了洋葱：没心，也只会让人哭。
chris: 我知道。
me: 知道了还玩？
me: 你对我好其实只是因为你得不到... 你得到了就不对我好，不要我了。我不想这样。
chris: If this is how you think. I can't say any thing. Right?
me: 可能吧。我很痛，真的很痛。痛到不知道要跟谁说，要说什么。感觉就像被风一吹就吹倒的人。这样的我... 谁敢要？
me: 不好意思，我可能是累了，才说这么多傻话。我睡了；晚安！
chris: 我 lor.
chris: Good night n Sweet dreams.
next morning
chris: feeling better?
...okay, trying to look like the emo-wreck didn't work. -_-
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
oh, my, god.
look at this piece of writing, by bobbie johnson! the indignance! the cruel, sparkling wit!
he's lancing someone through with words and all i can think of when i read his entry is that this man is brilliant!
closely followed by i want to have his kids.
brr. wait. i should at least wait till i find out if he's gay.
he's lancing someone through with words and all i can think of when i read his entry is that this man is brilliant!
closely followed by i want to have his kids.
brr. wait. i should at least wait till i find out if he's gay.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
HARRY POTTER IN THE HOOD with LYRICS
WAAAAHOOOOO!
damn nice. this is what JASMINE the ghetto queen will luuuurve!
Monday, March 10, 2008
conversation
Friend: anyway, it's an old problem... bad habit that i need to kick
Me: hmmm
Me: y'know, sometimes when you aren't the one with the problems
Me: the other person will have the problems. i'm just not sure if your wanting to let go of "baggage" - for lack of a less offensive term - is necessary
Me: cause i think the reason why you're doing this is because your guy's not around and you want attention, like any neglected woman wants attention
Me: and with different guys, there will be different baggages that come up
Me: it's just that sometimes a person is more prone to using the same "defence mechanism" to deal with it
Me: if it's become damaging to the relationship, then okay, have to drop. but that does not mean the source of the issue (his side also) has been resolved.
Me: "resolved"
Me: for this particular one (in your case) i think it might be a chicken and egg
Friend: yeah
Friend: agree
Me: ..does it.. yeah. i was about to ask if it makes sense when i put it like that
Friend: i dont deny that fact that this is chicken n egg prob
Friend: at same time, i believe one party has to initiate willingness for a change..
Friend: mayb this case, i hope i can b strong enough to do that for him
Friend: though i know it's really not easy.. im almost struggling here.. but i guess till now, im still willing to make effort for this change
Me: yeah. i just hope he's appreciative. i too am willing to make the change... but guess what... he didn't want that change.
Friend: ya.. i know.. that's why i didnt even attempt to 'talk' u out of ur decision...
Friend: if he doesnt even want it, n it's not worth it, fighting so hard for both of u.. n fighting it alone..
Me: haha
Me: tough, no?
Friend: tough for wanting to make things better?
Me: actually, yeah.
Me: hmmm
Me: y'know, sometimes when you aren't the one with the problems
Me: the other person will have the problems. i'm just not sure if your wanting to let go of "baggage" - for lack of a less offensive term - is necessary
Me: cause i think the reason why you're doing this is because your guy's not around and you want attention, like any neglected woman wants attention
Me: and with different guys, there will be different baggages that come up
Me: it's just that sometimes a person is more prone to using the same "defence mechanism" to deal with it
Me: if it's become damaging to the relationship, then okay, have to drop. but that does not mean the source of the issue (his side also) has been resolved.
Me: "resolved"
Me: for this particular one (in your case) i think it might be a chicken and egg
Friend: yeah
Friend: agree
Me: ..does it.. yeah. i was about to ask if it makes sense when i put it like that
Friend: i dont deny that fact that this is chicken n egg prob
Friend: at same time, i believe one party has to initiate willingness for a change..
Friend: mayb this case, i hope i can b strong enough to do that for him
Friend: though i know it's really not easy.. im almost struggling here.. but i guess till now, im still willing to make effort for this change
Me: yeah. i just hope he's appreciative. i too am willing to make the change... but guess what... he didn't want that change.
Friend: ya.. i know.. that's why i didnt even attempt to 'talk' u out of ur decision...
Friend: if he doesnt even want it, n it's not worth it, fighting so hard for both of u.. n fighting it alone..
Me: haha
Me: tough, no?
Friend: tough for wanting to make things better?
Me: actually, yeah.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
forced
today, i came home from a day of cross-border running around chasing anwar's shirttails, to remember that hey, i forgot to pay rent - so i went ahead and paid it.
then when the money was being carefully counted then folded by my landlady - like how an obvious trap unfolds in a horror movie because the scene is just too quiet - the house caretaker nonchalantly mentioned "the phone that i'd given ('given') to my maid is very hard to use."
i immediately knew something was up, considering i had intended to throw that phone away personally or burn it because it was 1) faulty and 2) holds digital mementos that will undoubtedly stir up memories.
- the house "care taker" (but the landlord's "buddy")continued, "also, there is the addressbook and other information inside it, you better clear!"
suffice to say, i was not happy. it is obvious that he'd gone through my phonebook, my sms-es, and of course, my photos in the phone. and i'm not being paranoid - this is the person who'd go through a person's BANK BOOK just because he (the previous tenant) accidentally left it behind. the house "care taker".
ahem, let me say that again. the house "care taker".
pui!
so i politely but grimly asked the maid for the phone, raced upstairs with it and deleted, one by painful one, the pictures that i'd taken from more than one year ago.
oh look, that's him before he got his hair shorn, on that island i'd rather not mention.
hey, that's me when i had longer, rebonded hair. how together we looked, how ha... how happy. despite him going into the army that day, we looked happy.
right.
there was no way to "select all" and there certainly was no "delete selected" options in the phone. so ...yes, i was forced.
one.
by.
painful.
one.
...then came the sms-es. i don't know which is worse. seeing us happy together, or reading the three words from very nearly 1 year ago.
"i love you," he wrote, on 13th march, 2007.
"i love you."
"i've decided that you're The One," i'd replied.
it's almost hilarious as i imagine watching myself from a short distance away, right now. i've my face mask on, a quick facial - the mask must have cracked but moisture would've muddied some parts of it. i must look a sight.
yeah, a greenish, cracked-up, muddied sight. almost hilarious.
then when the money was being carefully counted then folded by my landlady - like how an obvious trap unfolds in a horror movie because the scene is just too quiet - the house caretaker nonchalantly mentioned "the phone that i'd given ('given') to my maid is very hard to use."
i immediately knew something was up, considering i had intended to throw that phone away personally or burn it because it was 1) faulty and 2) holds digital mementos that will undoubtedly stir up memories.
- the house "care taker" (but the landlord's "buddy")continued, "also, there is the addressbook and other information inside it, you better clear!"
suffice to say, i was not happy. it is obvious that he'd gone through my phonebook, my sms-es, and of course, my photos in the phone. and i'm not being paranoid - this is the person who'd go through a person's BANK BOOK just because he (the previous tenant) accidentally left it behind. the house "care taker".
ahem, let me say that again. the house "care taker".
pui!
so i politely but grimly asked the maid for the phone, raced upstairs with it and deleted, one by painful one, the pictures that i'd taken from more than one year ago.
oh look, that's him before he got his hair shorn, on that island i'd rather not mention.
hey, that's me when i had longer, rebonded hair. how together we looked, how ha... how happy. despite him going into the army that day, we looked happy.
right.
there was no way to "select all" and there certainly was no "delete selected" options in the phone. so ...yes, i was forced.
one.
by.
painful.
one.
...then came the sms-es. i don't know which is worse. seeing us happy together, or reading the three words from very nearly 1 year ago.
"i love you," he wrote, on 13th march, 2007.
"i love you."
"i've decided that you're The One," i'd replied.
it's almost hilarious as i imagine watching myself from a short distance away, right now. i've my face mask on, a quick facial - the mask must have cracked but moisture would've muddied some parts of it. i must look a sight.
yeah, a greenish, cracked-up, muddied sight. almost hilarious.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
