today, i came home from a day of cross-border running around chasing anwar's shirttails, to remember that hey, i forgot to pay rent - so i went ahead and paid it.
then when the money was being carefully counted then folded by my landlady - like how an obvious trap unfolds in a horror movie because the scene is just too quiet - the house caretaker nonchalantly mentioned "the phone that i'd given ('given') to my maid is very hard to use."
i immediately knew something was up, considering i had intended to throw that phone away personally or burn it because it was 1) faulty and 2) holds digital mementos that will undoubtedly stir up memories.
- the house "care taker" (but the landlord's "buddy")continued, "also, there is the addressbook and other information inside it, you better clear!"
suffice to say, i was not happy. it is obvious that he'd gone through my phonebook, my sms-es, and of course, my photos in the phone. and i'm not being paranoid - this is the person who'd go through a person's BANK BOOK just because he (the previous tenant) accidentally left it behind. the house "care taker".
ahem, let me say that again. the house "care taker".
pui!
so i politely but grimly asked the maid for the phone, raced upstairs with it and deleted, one by painful one, the pictures that i'd taken from more than one year ago.
oh look, that's him before he got his hair shorn, on that island i'd rather not mention.
hey, that's me when i had longer, rebonded hair. how together we looked, how ha... how happy. despite him going into the army that day, we looked happy.
right.
there was no way to "select all" and there certainly was no "delete selected" options in the phone. so ...yes, i was forced.
one.
by.
painful.
one.
...then came the sms-es. i don't know which is worse. seeing us happy together, or reading the three words from very nearly 1 year ago.
"i love you," he wrote, on 13th march, 2007.
"i love you."
"i've decided that you're The One," i'd replied.
it's almost hilarious as i imagine watching myself from a short distance away, right now. i've my face mask on, a quick facial - the mask must have cracked but moisture would've muddied some parts of it. i must look a sight.
yeah, a greenish, cracked-up, muddied sight. almost hilarious.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
one love, one life
mmm, i think i'll wait.
without his asking, i will wait.
because what we had would have been a waste of time - if i were to let it go like that - especially when i know that he still cares for me. i care for him, too. he's not a bad person... in fact i think he's great. he'll grow up to be a magnificent man, that i know.
but.. meanwhile... i think this is it, world. this is the person i'm going to marry. sure, he's got his bad points and his personality's still forming... but i think we can make it work.
mmm. as for how i know it... it's strange, but i hadn't the heart to give to anyone else. it is not with me. so... as far as suitors and matchmaking goes... ^^'
心不在我这儿。
without his asking, i will wait.
because what we had would have been a waste of time - if i were to let it go like that - especially when i know that he still cares for me. i care for him, too. he's not a bad person... in fact i think he's great. he'll grow up to be a magnificent man, that i know.
but.. meanwhile... i think this is it, world. this is the person i'm going to marry. sure, he's got his bad points and his personality's still forming... but i think we can make it work.
mmm. as for how i know it... it's strange, but i hadn't the heart to give to anyone else. it is not with me. so... as far as suitors and matchmaking goes... ^^'
心不在我这儿。
Sunday, February 17, 2008
closer
CLOSER is a play written by Patrick Marber that was made into a film of the same name in 2004 - i'd chanced upon it when we saw it on tv, at jas's. also one of a certain ms tan's favoured films.
the show offers simple, concise dialogue; the sets are decidedly "play-like"; handling of timeline is brilliant (also very play-like) - though some do not like it in films. the cast was well-chosen, with jude law playing ..what he plays best, nat portman, like julia roberts, offer stellar performances while not losing none of the original feel of it being a play. so did clive owens, for that matter: he made a very believable doctor-cum-"nemesis" caught in this kind of situation.
wikipedia said the movie is about betrayals, instant attractions, what-not - but i think it is about chance encounters, decisions to fall or not fall in love, not really understanding what - who - you have in your hands right now and having to climb mountains and swim seas to finally learn that what you had was the best thing you could ever be blessed with. all of these - portrayed in stingingly ironic plain-ness.
this film will leave a bitter-sweet taste in your mouth and have you reminisce past loves ... it will give you reason to smile (or cry, depending on which character you most identify with and at what stage in love and/or life you are at right now).
i strongly recommend it to people who are emotionally stable and at peace, cause otherwise, this will more than make you cry.
(film HERE)
the show offers simple, concise dialogue; the sets are decidedly "play-like"; handling of timeline is brilliant (also very play-like) - though some do not like it in films. the cast was well-chosen, with jude law playing ..what he plays best, nat portman, like julia roberts, offer stellar performances while not losing none of the original feel of it being a play. so did clive owens, for that matter: he made a very believable doctor-cum-"nemesis" caught in this kind of situation.
wikipedia said the movie is about betrayals, instant attractions, what-not - but i think it is about chance encounters, decisions to fall or not fall in love, not really understanding what - who - you have in your hands right now and having to climb mountains and swim seas to finally learn that what you had was the best thing you could ever be blessed with. all of these - portrayed in stingingly ironic plain-ness.
this film will leave a bitter-sweet taste in your mouth and have you reminisce past loves ... it will give you reason to smile (or cry, depending on which character you most identify with and at what stage in love and/or life you are at right now).
i strongly recommend it to people who are emotionally stable and at peace, cause otherwise, this will more than make you cry.
(film HERE)
Friday, February 08, 2008
the good stuff only
y'know, i try to only remember the good stuff. i don't want to get angry at you, or at me, or at situations you hadn't learnt to deal with - or situations i hadn't learnt to deal with.
i just want you to be happy, less tired. i also want to feel less wronged.
it's dragged on long enough, causing both of us distress. yet you remain the person i want to marry.
---
i want you to be happy... and if being angry at me makes it easier, then go ahead - use my picture as a dartboard. if loving me has been painful, i'm glad i finally found the courage to let you go.
please believe me when i tell you i do this unwillingly. i will remember how your kisses feel, i will remember your smile when you wake and see me in the morning, i will remember your delight when you get your lemonade.. i will remember how you reach out to hold my hand, how i felt when i danced with you.
maybe you're right when you ask how i can ever know how you feel - how do i know the things you do not say nor show?
then again, that's another story. i do not want to pair your name with sadness and unhappiness. you are love, personified. you are my love. my. love. you gave me, discounting the "recent" times, the best relationship i've had so far.
this isn't denial neither. this is my gift to you, so to speak. i honour you with good thoughts only, in thanks of your love.
hey, maybe the only person crying when we see each other next is me. who knows how the other feels, eh?
thank you, for your love.
i just want you to be happy, less tired. i also want to feel less wronged.
it's dragged on long enough, causing both of us distress. yet you remain the person i want to marry.
---
i want you to be happy... and if being angry at me makes it easier, then go ahead - use my picture as a dartboard. if loving me has been painful, i'm glad i finally found the courage to let you go.
please believe me when i tell you i do this unwillingly. i will remember how your kisses feel, i will remember your smile when you wake and see me in the morning, i will remember your delight when you get your lemonade.. i will remember how you reach out to hold my hand, how i felt when i danced with you.
maybe you're right when you ask how i can ever know how you feel - how do i know the things you do not say nor show?
then again, that's another story. i do not want to pair your name with sadness and unhappiness. you are love, personified. you are my love. my. love. you gave me, discounting the "recent" times, the best relationship i've had so far.
this isn't denial neither. this is my gift to you, so to speak. i honour you with good thoughts only, in thanks of your love.
hey, maybe the only person crying when we see each other next is me. who knows how the other feels, eh?
thank you, for your love.
good and bad
the good thing about living alone is that you enjoy your solitude, your peace.
the bad thing about it is that nobody will know your pains and nobody will witness your tears. i miss him.
i miss him very much, though i know he will never have met me up even if we were still together. but now he has a very good reason: we're no longer together.
there is no need.
the bad thing about it is that nobody will know your pains and nobody will witness your tears. i miss him.
i miss him very much, though i know he will never have met me up even if we were still together. but now he has a very good reason: we're no longer together.
there is no need.
you're the one who makes me shy
...the lingering scent of you on my skin makes it this much harder.
i love you. i still do.
very much.
i love you. i still do.
very much.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Sunday, January 06, 2008
insulted.
it's annoyingly disgusting how i am a romantic by nature.
---
on another note altogether - no, i don't want to fight. i don't want to have to fight for time, for affection, whatnot. if it's mine, everything will go swimmingly well. and i place it in His hands. i follow your lead, Lord.
Amen.
---
on another note altogether - no, i don't want to fight. i don't want to have to fight for time, for affection, whatnot. if it's mine, everything will go swimmingly well. and i place it in His hands. i follow your lead, Lord.
Amen.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
de-toofed munchkin
"it's not tuuf and me," says he.
"oh? then what," go i.
"it's the community, like how you interact with the people in [name erased] club."
"oh. i don't think i'll ever understand then - cause mostly i don't give a f*. in fact, i think i'll go concentrate on digesting now."
"..."
---
this is the kind of conversation we have, even when "arguing".
"oh? then what," go i.
"it's the community, like how you interact with the people in [name erased] club."
"oh. i don't think i'll ever understand then - cause mostly i don't give a f*. in fact, i think i'll go concentrate on digesting now."
"..."
---
this is the kind of conversation we have, even when "arguing".
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Christmas
Christmas. good cheer, good cheer all round.
thank you, sweetheart, for the wonderful year. i love you!
thank you, sweetheart, for the wonderful year. i love you!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
love.
From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus
1. Thou shalt avoid avarice like the deadly pestilence and shalt embrace its opposite.
2. Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou lovest.
3. Thou shalt not knowingly strive to break up a correct love affair that someone else is engaged in.
4. Thou shalt not chose for thy love anyone whom a natural sense of shame forbids thee to marry.
5. Be mindful completely to avoid falsehood.
6. Thou shalt not have many who know of thy love affair.
7. Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever strive to ally thyself to the service of Love.
8. In giving and receiving love's solaces let modesty be ever present.
9. Thou shalt speak no evil.
10. Thou shalt not be a revealer of love affairs.
11. Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.
12. In practising the solaces of love thou shalt not exceed the desires of thy lover.
The Art of Courtly Love
From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus
1. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
2. He who is not jealous cannot love.
3. No one can be bound by a double love.
4. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
5. That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.
6. Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
7. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
8. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
9. No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love.
10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.
12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
13. When made public love rarely endures.
14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
17. A new love puts an old one to flight.
18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
20. A man in love is always apprehensive.
21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
22. Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved.
23. He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
24. Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
26. Love can deny nothing to love.
27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
information from here.
1. Thou shalt avoid avarice like the deadly pestilence and shalt embrace its opposite.
2. Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou lovest.
3. Thou shalt not knowingly strive to break up a correct love affair that someone else is engaged in.
4. Thou shalt not chose for thy love anyone whom a natural sense of shame forbids thee to marry.
5. Be mindful completely to avoid falsehood.
6. Thou shalt not have many who know of thy love affair.
7. Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever strive to ally thyself to the service of Love.
8. In giving and receiving love's solaces let modesty be ever present.
9. Thou shalt speak no evil.
10. Thou shalt not be a revealer of love affairs.
11. Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.
12. In practising the solaces of love thou shalt not exceed the desires of thy lover.
The Art of Courtly Love
From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus
1. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
2. He who is not jealous cannot love.
3. No one can be bound by a double love.
4. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
5. That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.
6. Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
7. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
8. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
9. No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love.
10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.
12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
13. When made public love rarely endures.
14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
17. A new love puts an old one to flight.
18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
20. A man in love is always apprehensive.
21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
22. Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved.
23. He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
24. Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
26. Love can deny nothing to love.
27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
information from here.
Monday, December 10, 2007
:)
and it did, many drinks and great company later.
and of course, he called and that was what really made it better. we spoke and chatted and laughed and had our usual banter... it's good to be happy together again.
and of course, he called and that was what really made it better. we spoke and chatted and laughed and had our usual banter... it's good to be happy together again.
it's just a heart-ache
it's just a heart-ache, nothing but a heart-ache – so the song goes.
the heart really aches. golly, but it does. i'm yet amazed by the powers of the heart.
it'll pass, yes it'll pass, as it must.
the heart really aches. golly, but it does. i'm yet amazed by the powers of the heart.
it'll pass, yes it'll pass, as it must.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
mixed valentine
today - well, yesterday - was our anniversary. i thought i'd've no chance to see my boy whatsoever but as luck would have it, he managed to book out today and we are able to see each other.
that's the nice part. the bad part is that his mother has had a mild stroke, and he had to book out to take care of her until someone else is able to fill in the spot, which is tomorrow.
this is... so... y'know, oddly perfect.
that's the nice part. the bad part is that his mother has had a mild stroke, and he had to book out to take care of her until someone else is able to fill in the spot, which is tomorrow.
this is... so... y'know, oddly perfect.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
emo balance
i don't know if i should be glad or not when i say this: i'm emotionally balanced.
i don't quite feel the pinch when my boy and i part company anymore. i don't particularly feel it neither, when i miss his calls. the trip to taiwan and my trip to phuket may have something to do with it. heh.
when i don't wait, i really don't wait, huh. well. this is something new - let's see where this takes me.
i don't quite feel the pinch when my boy and i part company anymore. i don't particularly feel it neither, when i miss his calls. the trip to taiwan and my trip to phuket may have something to do with it. heh.
when i don't wait, i really don't wait, huh. well. this is something new - let's see where this takes me.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
peoplescape
i've found that the need to cheat is at a low when i'm happy with my partner (i use "partner" to refer to boyfriends/girlfriends and spouses alike, because that's what we are: partners walking the same path towards hopefully the same goal).
like the very cute indian chap i mentioned two posts back – yes, it'd be nice to see him, meet him up – but not in the heyheyhey-we're-gonna-do-dinner kind of way-hey (excuse me). not after my baby returned, anyway. heh. that's not to say he's not attractive. i maintain that he is, and he is quite a catch.
but that's where it ends, because i know my darling boy loves me (hate it when he doesn't tell me that he loves me though).
i suspect he knows something about how to keep his woman from straying, truth be told, even if she were someone as social as i am. it must sound clichéd but it's really the small stuff – an sms, a call – anything, really - that a girl's sweetheart does to let her know that she means a lot to him, that he loves her and that she's on his mind.
those do more than just a little to make me feel cherished, missed and keep me from looking elsewhere, even if it were just looking around at the landscape in general.
i find it particularly easy to somehow not-see the hot stuffs because 1) i need spectacles, 2) i am aware of the people around me as moving objects (that's all general peoplescape should be: moving objects) and 3) if i do recognise that it's a cutie i make it a point to not look a fifth time and concentrate on my darling boy instead.
..but seriously. who's better than the one i chose?
the only people who are people are the people that i made plans to meet up with and are meeting up with.
others? peoplescape.
like the very cute indian chap i mentioned two posts back – yes, it'd be nice to see him, meet him up – but not in the heyheyhey-we're-gonna-do-dinner kind of way-hey (excuse me). not after my baby returned, anyway. heh. that's not to say he's not attractive. i maintain that he is, and he is quite a catch.
but that's where it ends, because i know my darling boy loves me (hate it when he doesn't tell me that he loves me though).
i suspect he knows something about how to keep his woman from straying, truth be told, even if she were someone as social as i am. it must sound clichéd but it's really the small stuff – an sms, a call – anything, really - that a girl's sweetheart does to let her know that she means a lot to him, that he loves her and that she's on his mind.
those do more than just a little to make me feel cherished, missed and keep me from looking elsewhere, even if it were just looking around at the landscape in general.
i find it particularly easy to somehow not-see the hot stuffs because 1) i need spectacles, 2) i am aware of the people around me as moving objects (that's all general peoplescape should be: moving objects) and 3) if i do recognise that it's a cutie i make it a point to not look a fifth time and concentrate on my darling boy instead.
..but seriously. who's better than the one i chose?
the only people who are people are the people that i made plans to meet up with and are meeting up with.
others? peoplescape.
stardusted - again
i went and caught stardust again.
i got misty-eyed at the same parts, i wished sorely, that he's there with me, again.
nope, it does not get easier with time, when you love someone.
and she gave him his heart. and this is where i died trying to contain both tears and mirth.
i got misty-eyed at the same parts, i wished sorely, that he's there with me, again.
nope, it does not get easier with time, when you love someone.
"i want nothing more than to give you my heart, if you asked for it, asking for nothing in return, if only to know that you love me, too."- star to tristan after he's been turned into an adorable bug-eyed mouse.
and she gave him his heart. and this is where i died trying to contain both tears and mirth.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
indian
yes, i like indian. on my phuket trip i made several friends, all fun-loving and witty and intelligent. there are ang mohs, chinese, indians and well, a few malays. all in good fun, all in good faith.
then there's this indian chap who's a muslim. hot as heck, 32, with a kind of charming cheeky geekiness that i so love. and my, has he got a great set of pearlies. very, very attractive.
but too bad for me, i've my baby coming back on sunday, and i'm going to pick him up at the airport.
i would SO date this chap if i were single.
then there's this indian chap who's a muslim. hot as heck, 32, with a kind of charming cheeky geekiness that i so love. and my, has he got a great set of pearlies. very, very attractive.
but too bad for me, i've my baby coming back on sunday, and i'm going to pick him up at the airport.
i would SO date this chap if i were single.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
