holland v

i was out at holland v after heading to eunos for lunch right, and as i was getting out of the car i saw a young man piggy-backing his girlfriend through the carpark... and i realise, that it does not quite matter where you are to feel the heartache.

sure, being confined in the army can be a bummer, considering you do not have privacy most of the time, but you're being kept busy and you're probably too busy to do anything more than whatever it is at hand. being "outside" has its merits and demerits as well... like seeing the things i see. imagine valentine's day, hey. i'll probably have to blind myself and walk with a cane to and from work, keep the radio off and go nowhere near newpaper, which is going to be full of sappy declarations of love.

if i don't blind myself then i must walk quickly, and look nobody - nobody - in the eye. maybe do what jasmi does when i do see couples - "receding hairline!"

NOW i have it!

now i have it. my boyfriend's a laissez-faire.

noun [U] (ALSO laisser-faire)
1. unwillingness to get involved in or influence other people's activities: The problems began long before he became headteacher, but they worsened with his laissez-faire approach/attitude.

this kind of attitude, alright, MAKES ME WANT TO TEAR SOMETHING DOWN. people who shouldn't be like that are: teachers/mentors, spouses, significant others, parents. if a teacher doesn't care or doesn't want to influence his students, then who should? yes, there are things like freedom of will, choice, whatnot, but if a teacher/parent does not instill some form of structure, then the kid will grow up an anarchist. you might as well instruct them to place bombs under cars or join the osala's camp!

well, i've had teachers like that and they simply make me think that they didn't care and i don't matter. yes they smile and we talk, but they didn't quite care, like they should, you know what i mean? it might be because they've been at this for a long long time and therefore are somewhat jaded... but then we're talking about people who are taking care of people who will later take care of other people. their growths, i mean.


it especially drives me up the wall when it's something closer to home, like the boyfriend. i mean, don't i matter? if i matter, isn't he going to try to influence me to continue to be with him?

it's like, "i'm leaving!"

"i don't want you to leave but if that's your choice, okay."


WTF?? translation? you don't matter enough for me to want to persuade/influence you to stay. and that's not good. if you don't want it enough, then you won't have it for very long.

being uninvolved... that's one thing a relationship should not be. >_<

query

boyfriend: "dear, is my belt at your place?"

mulled

okay, i'd called my boy up and hollered.

well, not holler holler, but more of like, holler holler. as it happened, he denied it completely, saying he doesn't recall typing "thanks" in response to my show of affection.

then again, he sounded genuinely unaware...

movie

i'd been to the movies last night, to watch "stardust", a novel by neil gaiman and now happy-ending-ed by hollywood. which is not necessarily a bad thing, methinks.

when i was watching the show, though, while i was tittering at the moving-and-funny moments i got all misty an' all, knowing that if my darling love were to be there with me he'd give me a big squeeze and kiss me, telling me, without words, that those are the words he would tell me if he could find them.


...unfortunately, he's no screenwriter, so he'll have to settle for moving heartfelt swoonsome oh my god romantic words written by someone else.

well. i missed him anyway and had so wanted to be the star to his tristan thorne.


...and i got misty-eyed again.

not attracteev?? >: x

not to be mistaken for a moment of vanity but a very real question.

...alright maybe it is - was talking to family and it was obvious that my sweet cousin didn't find me hawt.


well. ahem. true that it IS family and therefore i'm probably more lil kid sister than anything but WOI a girl is still a girl. >: x


i'm hawt, dammit! -kaopeh-