Sunday, December 30, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Christmas
Christmas. good cheer, good cheer all round.
thank you, sweetheart, for the wonderful year. i love you!
thank you, sweetheart, for the wonderful year. i love you!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
ma-in-law - logorrhea
'tis scary. no, not her. and no, i don't have a ma-in-law yet, just this potential one who might be my ma-in-law. i feel like a country bumpkin speaking to her!
i almost bite my tongue when we converse - because the talks about soft toys and their pasts do not make sense to me and the overseas trips and geographical locations are alien and therefore do not mean a thing - but i cannot, because a conversation cannot happen when i bite my tongue. there is only so long you can smile and make eye-contact for, before you start feeling silly...
she's a nice lady.
i suddenly feel like i'm not good enough for his family, seeing as i am on my own and he has his family. why do i feel like this?? >_<
i almost bite my tongue when we converse - because the talks about soft toys and their pasts do not make sense to me and the overseas trips and geographical locations are alien and therefore do not mean a thing - but i cannot, because a conversation cannot happen when i bite my tongue. there is only so long you can smile and make eye-contact for, before you start feeling silly...
she's a nice lady.
i suddenly feel like i'm not good enough for his family, seeing as i am on my own and he has his family. why do i feel like this?? >_<
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
fear
yes, i fear.
the smiles you have in the morning does not assure me; the things you don't say don't assure me –
i feel somehow defeated, like i am caught in the sea on a boat without any oars.
to curl up and hide.
the smiles you have in the morning does not assure me; the things you don't say don't assure me –
i feel somehow defeated, like i am caught in the sea on a boat without any oars.
to curl up and hide.
love.
From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus
1. Thou shalt avoid avarice like the deadly pestilence and shalt embrace its opposite.
2. Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou lovest.
3. Thou shalt not knowingly strive to break up a correct love affair that someone else is engaged in.
4. Thou shalt not chose for thy love anyone whom a natural sense of shame forbids thee to marry.
5. Be mindful completely to avoid falsehood.
6. Thou shalt not have many who know of thy love affair.
7. Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever strive to ally thyself to the service of Love.
8. In giving and receiving love's solaces let modesty be ever present.
9. Thou shalt speak no evil.
10. Thou shalt not be a revealer of love affairs.
11. Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.
12. In practising the solaces of love thou shalt not exceed the desires of thy lover.
The Art of Courtly Love
From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus
1. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
2. He who is not jealous cannot love.
3. No one can be bound by a double love.
4. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
5. That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.
6. Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
7. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
8. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
9. No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love.
10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.
12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
13. When made public love rarely endures.
14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
17. A new love puts an old one to flight.
18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
20. A man in love is always apprehensive.
21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
22. Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved.
23. He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
24. Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
26. Love can deny nothing to love.
27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
information from here.
1. Thou shalt avoid avarice like the deadly pestilence and shalt embrace its opposite.
2. Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou lovest.
3. Thou shalt not knowingly strive to break up a correct love affair that someone else is engaged in.
4. Thou shalt not chose for thy love anyone whom a natural sense of shame forbids thee to marry.
5. Be mindful completely to avoid falsehood.
6. Thou shalt not have many who know of thy love affair.
7. Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever strive to ally thyself to the service of Love.
8. In giving and receiving love's solaces let modesty be ever present.
9. Thou shalt speak no evil.
10. Thou shalt not be a revealer of love affairs.
11. Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.
12. In practising the solaces of love thou shalt not exceed the desires of thy lover.
The Art of Courtly Love
From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus
1. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
2. He who is not jealous cannot love.
3. No one can be bound by a double love.
4. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
5. That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.
6. Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
7. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
8. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
9. No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love.
10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.
12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
13. When made public love rarely endures.
14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
17. A new love puts an old one to flight.
18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
20. A man in love is always apprehensive.
21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
22. Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved.
23. He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
24. Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
26. Love can deny nothing to love.
27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
information from here.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
weekends vs weekdays
it doesn't matter whether i have more fun during the weekend or the weekday.
it's just not the same without you.
it's just not the same without you.
Monday, December 10, 2007
:)
and it did, many drinks and great company later.
and of course, he called and that was what really made it better. we spoke and chatted and laughed and had our usual banter... it's good to be happy together again.
and of course, he called and that was what really made it better. we spoke and chatted and laughed and had our usual banter... it's good to be happy together again.
it's just a heart-ache
it's just a heart-ache, nothing but a heart-ache – so the song goes.
the heart really aches. golly, but it does. i'm yet amazed by the powers of the heart.
it'll pass, yes it'll pass, as it must.
the heart really aches. golly, but it does. i'm yet amazed by the powers of the heart.
it'll pass, yes it'll pass, as it must.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
conscience
in all seriousness, amidst all this madness, i want to acknowledge that he tries. he tries really hard to make this work.
maybe it's just how we function, hey.
but how does a boy/girlfriend think that way of the other?? i don't get it.
love must be a funny thing!
maybe it's just how we function, hey.
but how does a boy/girlfriend think that way of the other?? i don't get it.
love must be a funny thing!
...mac's saved the day
yeah, push me away then pull me close.
no-can-do, sirree. i've macdonald's delivery. dinner. at home. unhealthy, but it's mine.
i know it won't play games with me.
no-can-do, sirree. i've macdonald's delivery. dinner. at home. unhealthy, but it's mine.
i know it won't play games with me.
pathetic
this is pathetic. hypocritical and pathetic. on one blog i say i'm a ray of sunshine but on this one i'm crying my effing eyes out. two nights' worth of crying.
but you tell me if you'd be like this, if someone you deem your best friend tells you that he thinks of you this way, and that he does not exactly expect you to take care of him when he's sick. and he's not just your best friend, he's your boyfriend.
come to think of it, why don't you tell me what more don't you expect from me?
nobody should make me cry, you hear me! NO-FUCKING-BODY!
FUCKING ARSEHOLE!
but you tell me if you'd be like this, if someone you deem your best friend tells you that he thinks of you this way, and that he does not exactly expect you to take care of him when he's sick. and he's not just your best friend, he's your boyfriend.
come to think of it, why don't you tell me what more don't you expect from me?
nobody should make me cry, you hear me! NO-FUCKING-BODY!
FUCKING ARSEHOLE!
ba-da-da-da-DA-DAAAA!
no use feeling down. it's not you, it's him! :D
you don't deserve to feel down, pei. nooo you don't. if he thinks you're like that then you're too good for him, eh?
who's a happy person? whoooo's a happy person? :)
you don't deserve to feel down, pei. nooo you don't. if he thinks you're like that then you're too good for him, eh?
who's a happy person? whoooo's a happy person? :)
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
NOW i have it!
now i have it. my boyfriend's a laissez-faire.
noun [U] (ALSO laisser-faire)
1. unwillingness to get involved in or influence other people's activities: The problems began long before he became headteacher, but they worsened with his laissez-faire approach/attitude.
this kind of attitude, alright, MAKES ME WANT TO TEAR SOMETHING DOWN. people who shouldn't be like that are: teachers/mentors, spouses, significant others, parents. if a teacher doesn't care or doesn't want to influence his students, then who should? yes, there are things like freedom of will, choice, whatnot, but if a teacher/parent does not instill some form of structure, then the kid will grow up an anarchist. you might as well instruct them to place bombs under cars or join the osala's camp!
well, i've had teachers like that and they simply make me think that they didn't care and i don't matter. yes they smile and we talk, but they didn't quite care, like they should, you know what i mean? it might be because they've been at this for a long long time and therefore are somewhat jaded... but then we're talking about people who are taking care of people who will later take care of other people. their growths, i mean.
it especially drives me up the wall when it's something closer to home, like the boyfriend. i mean, don't i matter? if i matter, isn't he going to try to influence me to continue to be with him?
it's like, "i'm leaving!"
"i don't want you to leave but if that's your choice, okay."
WTF?? translation? you don't matter enough for me to want to persuade/influence you to stay. and that's not good. if you don't want it enough, then you won't have it for very long.
being uninvolved... that's one thing a relationship should not be. >_<
noun [U] (ALSO laisser-faire)
1. unwillingness to get involved in or influence other people's activities: The problems began long before he became headteacher, but they worsened with his laissez-faire approach/attitude.
this kind of attitude, alright, MAKES ME WANT TO TEAR SOMETHING DOWN. people who shouldn't be like that are: teachers/mentors, spouses, significant others, parents. if a teacher doesn't care or doesn't want to influence his students, then who should? yes, there are things like freedom of will, choice, whatnot, but if a teacher/parent does not instill some form of structure, then the kid will grow up an anarchist. you might as well instruct them to place bombs under cars or join the osala's camp!
well, i've had teachers like that and they simply make me think that they didn't care and i don't matter. yes they smile and we talk, but they didn't quite care, like they should, you know what i mean? it might be because they've been at this for a long long time and therefore are somewhat jaded... but then we're talking about people who are taking care of people who will later take care of other people. their growths, i mean.
it especially drives me up the wall when it's something closer to home, like the boyfriend. i mean, don't i matter? if i matter, isn't he going to try to influence me to continue to be with him?
it's like, "i'm leaving!"
"i don't want you to leave but if that's your choice, okay."
WTF?? translation? you don't matter enough for me to want to persuade/influence you to stay. and that's not good. if you don't want it enough, then you won't have it for very long.
being uninvolved... that's one thing a relationship should not be. >_<
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
mixed valentine
today - well, yesterday - was our anniversary. i thought i'd've no chance to see my boy whatsoever but as luck would have it, he managed to book out today and we are able to see each other.
that's the nice part. the bad part is that his mother has had a mild stroke, and he had to book out to take care of her until someone else is able to fill in the spot, which is tomorrow.
this is... so... y'know, oddly perfect.
that's the nice part. the bad part is that his mother has had a mild stroke, and he had to book out to take care of her until someone else is able to fill in the spot, which is tomorrow.
this is... so... y'know, oddly perfect.
Monday, November 19, 2007
too much of a good thing
yes, i like the attention from gentlemen.
but i only like it because it makes the man i love pay me more attention.
fuck it, i can be negative too. right now, i quit trying.
but i only like it because it makes the man i love pay me more attention.
fuck it, i can be negative too. right now, i quit trying.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
mulled
okay, i'd called my boy up and hollered.
well, not holler holler, but more of like, holler holler. as it happened, he denied it completely, saying he doesn't recall typing "thanks" in response to my show of affection.
then again, he sounded genuinely unaware...
well, not holler holler, but more of like, holler holler. as it happened, he denied it completely, saying he doesn't recall typing "thanks" in response to my show of affection.
then again, he sounded genuinely unaware...
Saturday, November 17, 2007
emo balance
i don't know if i should be glad or not when i say this: i'm emotionally balanced.
i don't quite feel the pinch when my boy and i part company anymore. i don't particularly feel it neither, when i miss his calls. the trip to taiwan and my trip to phuket may have something to do with it. heh.
when i don't wait, i really don't wait, huh. well. this is something new - let's see where this takes me.
i don't quite feel the pinch when my boy and i part company anymore. i don't particularly feel it neither, when i miss his calls. the trip to taiwan and my trip to phuket may have something to do with it. heh.
when i don't wait, i really don't wait, huh. well. this is something new - let's see where this takes me.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
peoplescape
i've found that the need to cheat is at a low when i'm happy with my partner (i use "partner" to refer to boyfriends/girlfriends and spouses alike, because that's what we are: partners walking the same path towards hopefully the same goal).
like the very cute indian chap i mentioned two posts back – yes, it'd be nice to see him, meet him up – but not in the heyheyhey-we're-gonna-do-dinner kind of way-hey (excuse me). not after my baby returned, anyway. heh. that's not to say he's not attractive. i maintain that he is, and he is quite a catch.
but that's where it ends, because i know my darling boy loves me (hate it when he doesn't tell me that he loves me though).
i suspect he knows something about how to keep his woman from straying, truth be told, even if she were someone as social as i am. it must sound clichéd but it's really the small stuff – an sms, a call – anything, really - that a girl's sweetheart does to let her know that she means a lot to him, that he loves her and that she's on his mind.
those do more than just a little to make me feel cherished, missed and keep me from looking elsewhere, even if it were just looking around at the landscape in general.
i find it particularly easy to somehow not-see the hot stuffs because 1) i need spectacles, 2) i am aware of the people around me as moving objects (that's all general peoplescape should be: moving objects) and 3) if i do recognise that it's a cutie i make it a point to not look a fifth time and concentrate on my darling boy instead.
..but seriously. who's better than the one i chose?
the only people who are people are the people that i made plans to meet up with and are meeting up with.
others? peoplescape.
like the very cute indian chap i mentioned two posts back – yes, it'd be nice to see him, meet him up – but not in the heyheyhey-we're-gonna-do-dinner kind of way-hey (excuse me). not after my baby returned, anyway. heh. that's not to say he's not attractive. i maintain that he is, and he is quite a catch.
but that's where it ends, because i know my darling boy loves me (hate it when he doesn't tell me that he loves me though).
i suspect he knows something about how to keep his woman from straying, truth be told, even if she were someone as social as i am. it must sound clichéd but it's really the small stuff – an sms, a call – anything, really - that a girl's sweetheart does to let her know that she means a lot to him, that he loves her and that she's on his mind.
those do more than just a little to make me feel cherished, missed and keep me from looking elsewhere, even if it were just looking around at the landscape in general.
i find it particularly easy to somehow not-see the hot stuffs because 1) i need spectacles, 2) i am aware of the people around me as moving objects (that's all general peoplescape should be: moving objects) and 3) if i do recognise that it's a cutie i make it a point to not look a fifth time and concentrate on my darling boy instead.
..but seriously. who's better than the one i chose?
the only people who are people are the people that i made plans to meet up with and are meeting up with.
others? peoplescape.
stardusted - again
i went and caught stardust again.
i got misty-eyed at the same parts, i wished sorely, that he's there with me, again.
nope, it does not get easier with time, when you love someone.
and she gave him his heart. and this is where i died trying to contain both tears and mirth.
i got misty-eyed at the same parts, i wished sorely, that he's there with me, again.
nope, it does not get easier with time, when you love someone.
"i want nothing more than to give you my heart, if you asked for it, asking for nothing in return, if only to know that you love me, too."- star to tristan after he's been turned into an adorable bug-eyed mouse.
and she gave him his heart. and this is where i died trying to contain both tears and mirth.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
indian
yes, i like indian. on my phuket trip i made several friends, all fun-loving and witty and intelligent. there are ang mohs, chinese, indians and well, a few malays. all in good fun, all in good faith.
then there's this indian chap who's a muslim. hot as heck, 32, with a kind of charming cheeky geekiness that i so love. and my, has he got a great set of pearlies. very, very attractive.
but too bad for me, i've my baby coming back on sunday, and i'm going to pick him up at the airport.
i would SO date this chap if i were single.
then there's this indian chap who's a muslim. hot as heck, 32, with a kind of charming cheeky geekiness that i so love. and my, has he got a great set of pearlies. very, very attractive.
but too bad for me, i've my baby coming back on sunday, and i'm going to pick him up at the airport.
i would SO date this chap if i were single.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
movie
i'd been to the movies last night, to watch "stardust", a novel by neil gaiman and now happy-ending-ed by hollywood. which is not necessarily a bad thing, methinks.
when i was watching the show, though, while i was tittering at the moving-and-funny moments i got all misty an' all, knowing that if my darling love were to be there with me he'd give me a big squeeze and kiss me, telling me, without words, that those are the words he would tell me if he could find them.
...unfortunately, he's no screenwriter, so he'll have to settle for moving heartfelt swoonsome oh my god romantic words written by someone else.
well. i missed him anyway and had so wanted to be the star to his tristan thorne.
...and i got misty-eyed again.
when i was watching the show, though, while i was tittering at the moving-and-funny moments i got all misty an' all, knowing that if my darling love were to be there with me he'd give me a big squeeze and kiss me, telling me, without words, that those are the words he would tell me if he could find them.
...unfortunately, he's no screenwriter, so he'll have to settle for moving heartfelt swoonsome oh my god romantic words written by someone else.
well. i missed him anyway and had so wanted to be the star to his tristan thorne.
...and i got misty-eyed again.
Friday, November 02, 2007
friday tomorrow
it's friday tomorrow. and i'm expected to go clubbing... i'm not keen on that. instead, i want to go have a nice dinner with some friends and play some computer games, then head home to bed.
then it'd be saturday. :) a saturday that will be pretty busy: meeting the girls up at 11, then home, then off to holland village. it'd be so nice, saturday. then sunday i'll probably head over to my mother's, say hello or something.
oops. just found out that meeting the girls up will be at 2pm instead! well, that works. :) either way that works. and yes, life is working out. amen.
then it'd be saturday. :) a saturday that will be pretty busy: meeting the girls up at 11, then home, then off to holland village. it'd be so nice, saturday. then sunday i'll probably head over to my mother's, say hello or something.
oops. just found out that meeting the girls up will be at 2pm instead! well, that works. :) either way that works. and yes, life is working out. amen.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
tom jones
i listened to tom jones' sing and i felt ready to sob into my pillow, having a last cigarette in a cigarette holder, complete with fancy arched eyebrows and a slinky black dress like the ladies you see in film noir - then leaping to my death from my second storey pigeon poop ridden balcony.
Monday, October 29, 2007
phone call
having settled down into a sort of an easy calm in my own cubicle in the office ("calm" being relative to the general environment) i got a call on my mobile.
there was no number displayed, only "Call", which is reserved for overseas numbers, like from my dad, who's overseas most of the time. or evil marketeers from malaysia. or my darling boy who's been sent overseas and hadn't called for the entire week.
"could it be?" i asked myself, half excited, not wanting to get excited.
so i picked the phone up, not really wanting to be quick about it, so i can say – oh, it wasn't so bad, these three weeks. pshaw, i wouldn't mind having to go through another three – and picked up the line in two rings.
"hello?"
nothing.
"hello??"
nothing.
is the line dead or something? is there something wrong with the phone? i swear i was beginning to have the palpitations here, the butterflies in my stomach began to stir –
my throat was dry and as i was about to say again, heartfelt, "hello," –
SOME CHAINA LADY SAID IN MAINLAND CHAINESE, "hello, i'm calling from – "
click.
there was no number displayed, only "Call", which is reserved for overseas numbers, like from my dad, who's overseas most of the time. or evil marketeers from malaysia. or my darling boy who's been sent overseas and hadn't called for the entire week.
"could it be?" i asked myself, half excited, not wanting to get excited.
so i picked the phone up, not really wanting to be quick about it, so i can say – oh, it wasn't so bad, these three weeks. pshaw, i wouldn't mind having to go through another three – and picked up the line in two rings.
"hello?"
nothing.
"hello??"
nothing.
is the line dead or something? is there something wrong with the phone? i swear i was beginning to have the palpitations here, the butterflies in my stomach began to stir –
my throat was dry and as i was about to say again, heartfelt, "hello," –
SOME CHAINA LADY SAID IN MAINLAND CHAINESE, "hello, i'm calling from – "
click.
Monday, October 22, 2007
the most romantic man
this has got to be the most romantic man alive! found here.
35 Years Of Roses
For our 25th wedding anniversary, I started 25 days before our anniversary, with one rose and a note stating that it was 25 days to our 25th. A few days later I sent 2 roses and a note stating the number of days to 25. I repeated this procedure for 3 roses, 4 roses, and 5 roses and on our 25 anniversary a note stating my love and the final 10 roses. (1+2+3+4+5+10=25). I did the same thing for our 30th anniversary, only ending with 15 to make 30. I am in the process of doing so for our 35th coming in June this year (2004) only this time it works out to be able to send one note every 5 days up to 10 days before (with 10 roses) and the final 10 on our 35th. I am using the suggestion of one of your submitters for the final 10 to spread candy kisses in a trail to the shower, with the final note of "I have kissed the ground you walked on and showered you with flowers, how about …" and my request for 35 more years. She loves every time the roses arrive.
35 Years Of Roses
For our 25th wedding anniversary, I started 25 days before our anniversary, with one rose and a note stating that it was 25 days to our 25th. A few days later I sent 2 roses and a note stating the number of days to 25. I repeated this procedure for 3 roses, 4 roses, and 5 roses and on our 25 anniversary a note stating my love and the final 10 roses. (1+2+3+4+5+10=25). I did the same thing for our 30th anniversary, only ending with 15 to make 30. I am in the process of doing so for our 35th coming in June this year (2004) only this time it works out to be able to send one note every 5 days up to 10 days before (with 10 roses) and the final 10 on our 35th. I am using the suggestion of one of your submitters for the final 10 to spread candy kisses in a trail to the shower, with the final note of "I have kissed the ground you walked on and showered you with flowers, how about …" and my request for 35 more years. She loves every time the roses arrive.
conversation 2
Me: no guy should tell me break up
Friend: no sad thots
Friend: oh.
Me: if he wants a break up then he's not worth it
Friend: true
Me: mmm. i think i'm on to a good thing, with this guy.
Me: :)
Friend: =)
Friend: that's good
amen. that's good.
Friend: no sad thots
Friend: oh.
Me: if he wants a break up then he's not worth it
Friend: true
Me: mmm. i think i'm on to a good thing, with this guy.
Me: :)
Friend: =)
Friend: that's good
amen. that's good.
conversation
Friend: maybe it's a white lie.
Me: so exciting
Friend: that he replied to the girl but is not gg out with her
Friend: would never know
Friend: anyway, watever... he's a bastard lah....
Friend: he called me after that but i ignored him... 22 missed calls. watever.
Friend: then asked me out for a movie w olivier.... but no more tix.. so that's it. but we're OK after that.
Friend: stupid drama
Me: 22 calls!
Me: hur hur
Me: not bad
Me: i'd like 22 calls myself ^^
Me: ...i should date a french guy.
Friday, October 19, 2007
voice on the line
i dreamt this morning, of you; and it seems that you are, like usual, a muffled voice on the line. i remember missing you in my dream, and was so sorry when i had to hang up.
the next three weeks there will not even be a voice on the line to hold on to. how do i hold on to you?
(the non-emo me says: "with a lasso lah!")
Monday, October 15, 2007
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
yep, sounds about right.
the geek part, i mean. :P
What Kind of Guy Will You Fall For? | |
 | You would fall part for the geek. If you're looking for love, consider spending a little more time studying up in the library. To you, there's nothing more attractive than intelligence, shyness, and kindness; your future love may have four eyes and zero social skills, but he'll make up for it in brains and heart. |
 | You would fall part for the gentleman. Keep an eye out for your love at your next formal or field trip to the opera. Watch out for bad boys who walk on the inside of the curb and don't hold the door for you, and you'll end up with the guy who's suave, sophisticated, and classy through-and-through. |
| Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com | |
Sunday, September 23, 2007
"the suitable one" vs "the right one"
i hope people realise the difference between having a person "suitable" for you and having one who's "right" for you.
i don't know about your definitions but i know mine goes somewhat like this (in one breath now!): "a suitable one" is one that fits the bill while "the right one" is one that you've been searching for and one you would fight to keep - the difference is that there will always be other "suitable ones" while there will only be one "right one".
and i want it to be the right one. i have so many right ones, thank God for his Grace and kindness upon me - and i want it to be the right one. yes, for what it matters, i want it to be the right one.
i may want a suitable person to be my company accountant, but i want the right one to keep my money. i may want a suitable tutor, but i must have the right mentor. i want to have put up in a suitable place, but i must live in the right one.
so you see?
there is a difference
i don't know about your definitions but i know mine goes somewhat like this (in one breath now!): "a suitable one" is one that fits the bill while "the right one" is one that you've been searching for and one you would fight to keep - the difference is that there will always be other "suitable ones" while there will only be one "right one".
and i want it to be the right one. i have so many right ones, thank God for his Grace and kindness upon me - and i want it to be the right one. yes, for what it matters, i want it to be the right one.
i may want a suitable person to be my company accountant, but i want the right one to keep my money. i may want a suitable tutor, but i must have the right mentor. i want to have put up in a suitable place, but i must live in the right one.
so you see?
there is a difference
Friday, September 21, 2007
"for one more day"
i began reading this book, and by the gods my heart ached, despite not going all achy-breaky over my own parents' struggles with each other.
it's funny how the author noticed this: "when death takes your mother, it it steals that word forever."
and that word is "mom".
it's funny how the author noticed this: "when death takes your mother, it it steals that word forever."
and that word is "mom".
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
not attracteev?? >: x
not to be mistaken for a moment of vanity but a very real question.
...alright maybe it is - was talking to family and it was obvious that my sweet cousin didn't find me hawt.
well. ahem. true that it IS family and therefore i'm probably more lil kid sister than anything but WOI a girl is still a girl. >: x
i'm hawt, dammit! -kaopeh-
...alright maybe it is - was talking to family and it was obvious that my sweet cousin didn't find me hawt.
well. ahem. true that it IS family and therefore i'm probably more lil kid sister than anything but WOI a girl is still a girl. >: x
i'm hawt, dammit! -kaopeh-
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
wild times ahead.
one-day-a-week weeks return. going to be another rough ride. well, we'll see what happens. and noooo sirree it won't be easy. i'd hate to even think that that particular day would arrive. good lord! >_<
Thursday, September 06, 2007
memories
memories of the photographed past
script inked on yellowed sheets
..poetry does not flow within me right now. suffice to say, thank you, for your gift of your future, your ring. i am sorry i could not accept, precisely because of your moral and contractual obligations towards someone else.
yes, it has been years, but for everything that we had and could have had - thank you.
i wish you well, i wish you happiness.
script inked on yellowed sheets
..poetry does not flow within me right now. suffice to say, thank you, for your gift of your future, your ring. i am sorry i could not accept, precisely because of your moral and contractual obligations towards someone else.
yes, it has been years, but for everything that we had and could have had - thank you.
i wish you well, i wish you happiness.
something that i want
y'know, here's something that i've always wanted. a volkswagon. a cute lil volkswagon bug.
and you see that dog over there? that be me when i'm finally in my volks.
Monday, September 03, 2007
my kaypoh email
howdy-doo.
it's been some time, i know, and i suppose some of you miss me though it's more likely that you groan when you see that it's me again. -grin-
but like a roach, i suppose i die hard. except when you thwack them with a roll of newspapers - but let's not get into that.
well, truth be told, i'd been taken captive by the daily grind and been concentrating on the corporate climb. i'm succeeding pretty well actually and i'm rather happy on that front.
the reason why i am writing and foisting it off on my dear frrriends (you) is the fact that i feel the need to address a particular issue. i've seen weird relationships happen and it's time that i say something. when i say "weird relationships" i mean those that involve perfectly competent people who somehow seem to get themselves into the "bao sua bao hai" positions (for those unfamiliar with the term, "bao sua bao hai" literally translates to "hold mountain hold sea" in teochew and means "holdall") and then complain about it.
well, newsflash: you're being too nice.
or if you're the nasty one then you'll know what i'm talking about. ..okay, "nasty" one.
and it's true. since when have you felt respect for someone you can totally take a piss over? won't you hold the person who "scared the living daylights out of you" in better light than the former wussy ball-less pondscum, despite his or her abilities?
sure, there are many many MANY ways to argue this point, like how you are less likely to be trimmed when it's time for the company to "trim the fats" - but truly, unless your position is that unstable - i strongly suggest you pull a bit of weight on your own. that, though, does NOT mean you are going to respected when you are rude and aggressive. on the contrary.
and if you're still worried about that, an oblique question to ask is "which would you rather be, not-noticed, worthy opponent (if you have to step on some tails) or worthy ally (if you're going to be on the same team)?"
anyways, if you're ever in that position, maybe you are now reminded why. or perhaps you knew already, but are unable to do anything about it because of the lack of expertise or the lack of ...whatever. but assuming you're competent at your job but end up having to play mumsy to the people around you - well, you're at fault. and sometimes? you don't have to be the one doing it because "nobody's doing it". things can get done in the most unexpected of ways, you just have to figger out how.
i'll say it again: you're at fault, because you allowed it.
forget being "nice" and "well-liked". how about some "respect" that comes with "well-liked", anyway? because nobody said pulling your own weight means being nasty. and the best bit? you don't have to bend over backwards: just say what you mean and mean what you say.
i hope i hadn't sounded pompous or like i was giving a sermon, though it's likely that i did.
hoping this one serves as a "timely reminder" for those who need it.
it's been some time, i know, and i suppose some of you miss me though it's more likely that you groan when you see that it's me again. -grin-
but like a roach, i suppose i die hard. except when you thwack them with a roll of newspapers - but let's not get into that.
well, truth be told, i'd been taken captive by the daily grind and been concentrating on the corporate climb. i'm succeeding pretty well actually and i'm rather happy on that front.
the reason why i am writing and foisting it off on my dear frrriends (you) is the fact that i feel the need to address a particular issue. i've seen weird relationships happen and it's time that i say something. when i say "weird relationships" i mean those that involve perfectly competent people who somehow seem to get themselves into the "bao sua bao hai" positions (for those unfamiliar with the term, "bao sua bao hai" literally translates to "hold mountain hold sea" in teochew and means "holdall") and then complain about it.
well, newsflash: you're being too nice.
or if you're the nasty one then you'll know what i'm talking about. ..okay, "nasty" one.
and it's true. since when have you felt respect for someone you can totally take a piss over? won't you hold the person who "scared the living daylights out of you" in better light than the former wussy ball-less pondscum, despite his or her abilities?
sure, there are many many MANY ways to argue this point, like how you are less likely to be trimmed when it's time for the company to "trim the fats" - but truly, unless your position is that unstable - i strongly suggest you pull a bit of weight on your own. that, though, does NOT mean you are going to respected when you are rude and aggressive. on the contrary.
and if you're still worried about that, an oblique question to ask is "which would you rather be, not-noticed, worthy opponent (if you have to step on some tails) or worthy ally (if you're going to be on the same team)?"
anyways, if you're ever in that position, maybe you are now reminded why. or perhaps you knew already, but are unable to do anything about it because of the lack of expertise or the lack of ...whatever. but assuming you're competent at your job but end up having to play mumsy to the people around you - well, you're at fault. and sometimes? you don't have to be the one doing it because "nobody's doing it". things can get done in the most unexpected of ways, you just have to figger out how.
i'll say it again: you're at fault, because you allowed it.
forget being "nice" and "well-liked". how about some "respect" that comes with "well-liked", anyway? because nobody said pulling your own weight means being nasty. and the best bit? you don't have to bend over backwards: just say what you mean and mean what you say.
i hope i hadn't sounded pompous or like i was giving a sermon, though it's likely that i did.
hoping this one serves as a "timely reminder" for those who need it.
a new beginning
yes, i've deleted each and every one of the posts in this blog.
can you imagine HOW MANY CONFIRMATIONS i have to make when deleting them posts????
geebus.
but yes. this site, i declare, is no longer a site for my boyfriend's eyes only. it is open again, to "public", and please, share your comments and experiences. no more dramatic entries - i gotta respect myself more! :)
this is not a game, this is not a challenge. this is me getting my confidence level back, this is me being the happy person i was before i get into relationships. don't mistake me, i enjoyed your company, but these days - the quality of love you're giving to me - just doesn't cut it. it's like you're trying to play the stud.
i want to be happy. i want to be happy like i used to be happy. because no matter where i am, what i do and whom i'm with, i was happy. and i mean 98% of the time. now? oddly homey and weepy.
and you're not even the "bad boy" kind of person, who'm i kidding? if you can do this to me then it's screwy. I'M screwy, because i allowed it. and that's no-go zone.
well. having said that now.
i will continue to grow into who i am, who i will be. "weepy" and "pining" will not be in the list of words i use to describe myself.
i will mature as a bamboo plant will, because i am a bamboo plant and not a sunflower. i do not - WILL NOT - follow the sun all day.
yes, the old me is coming back. "i" have returned.
and if this works, great. if not, i've had a great time. who knows what the future holds, eh? i'm glad for all that's happened thus far, the good the bad and the effin' ugly.
cause without those i never would've arrived at this, finally. you may have known this your whole life but hey, i now know it too. :) i need to love myself, and now i am secure.
can you imagine HOW MANY CONFIRMATIONS i have to make when deleting them posts????
geebus.
but yes. this site, i declare, is no longer a site for my boyfriend's eyes only. it is open again, to "public", and please, share your comments and experiences. no more dramatic entries - i gotta respect myself more! :)
this is not a game, this is not a challenge. this is me getting my confidence level back, this is me being the happy person i was before i get into relationships. don't mistake me, i enjoyed your company, but these days - the quality of love you're giving to me - just doesn't cut it. it's like you're trying to play the stud.
i want to be happy. i want to be happy like i used to be happy. because no matter where i am, what i do and whom i'm with, i was happy. and i mean 98% of the time. now? oddly homey and weepy.
and you're not even the "bad boy" kind of person, who'm i kidding? if you can do this to me then it's screwy. I'M screwy, because i allowed it. and that's no-go zone.
well. having said that now.
i will continue to grow into who i am, who i will be. "weepy" and "pining" will not be in the list of words i use to describe myself.
i will mature as a bamboo plant will, because i am a bamboo plant and not a sunflower. i do not - WILL NOT - follow the sun all day.
yes, the old me is coming back. "i" have returned.
and if this works, great. if not, i've had a great time. who knows what the future holds, eh? i'm glad for all that's happened thus far, the good the bad and the effin' ugly.
cause without those i never would've arrived at this, finally. you may have known this your whole life but hey, i now know it too. :) i need to love myself, and now i am secure.
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