bliss is finding a set of clothes for $50.40 that is exactly what you're looking for.*
*never mind that you're looking for a lot of things.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
heh heh hehh
i thought i'd have to suffer through an episode of having to kill and get rid of a cockroach by myself the next time it happens but as it turns out, there was one scrambling about in my room - no idea how it got there but anyways - and i was in the same room with it!
...thankfully the air-con boys were still around and one of them had bravely stepped to the fore on this roach-extrication.
my hero. ^^
...thankfully the air-con boys were still around and one of them had bravely stepped to the fore on this roach-extrication.
my hero. ^^
exams tomorrow
exam's tomorrow and i'm slacking off typing this online. >_<
two more chapters to go. a lot of fancy legal mumbo-jumbo to sift through. omggg jennn i need your braaainnnn
two more chapters to go. a lot of fancy legal mumbo-jumbo to sift through. omggg jennn i need your braaainnnn
Monday, May 19, 2008
studying
well yeah, i'm studying. financial stuff.
exam's saturday. i am so sticking my nose into the book e-v-e-r-y day. >_<
exam's saturday. i am so sticking my nose into the book e-v-e-r-y day. >_<
Thursday, May 15, 2008
easier
i don't know if it's the meds, or if it's the fact that the period has come, but the emotions are way much easier to manage. even if it were pms though, it must not interfere with me, so much so that i get so messed up.
so... yeah. i feel better. normal.
back then i couldn't quite feel bored, just a restlessness that i cannot quite get rid of. now, i can feel boredom, and i am more laid-back. : )
i feel good.
so... yeah. i feel better. normal.
back then i couldn't quite feel bored, just a restlessness that i cannot quite get rid of. now, i can feel boredom, and i am more laid-back. : )
i feel good.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
doc's
the doc gave me some medicine, we had a chat.
we both understand that problems don't go away with the popping of the pill, like how an amputee won't grow a new arm when he takes the medication that i take. or how i can't erase the self-indignities i'd rather not have done.
but i know that it will make emotions less harmful and more cooperative, instead of relying solely on knowledge.
like knowing how my heart won't make it out of my chest no matter how hard it tries.
this has gone on long enough. i'm going to be better. : )
we both understand that problems don't go away with the popping of the pill, like how an amputee won't grow a new arm when he takes the medication that i take. or how i can't erase the self-indignities i'd rather not have done.
but i know that it will make emotions less harmful and more cooperative, instead of relying solely on knowledge.
like knowing how my heart won't make it out of my chest no matter how hard it tries.
this has gone on long enough. i'm going to be better. : )
note
dear all,
it is with a little trepidation that i type this note in the morning to you.
i think i'm depressed. some of you may know that something's not quite right with me and believe me, i believed the same when i had harmful thoughts some time ago. i've come to the decision to seek help; for i think i am not strong enough for this. i am not the sort to want to kill myself, i recognise that.
it is unfortunate that some things have ended and no doubt i have played a part in those situations. i do not mean for depression to be a miracle pill for my behaviour the past few months, and for all you know, i really do feel that way about certain things. like being sworn at.
but for things like moodswings, desperate calls when i did not know what to do anymore, i offer my sincerest apologies. if i had hurt you, or have had you worried, angry, unsettled, i am deeply sorry. i needed help, and i thought of you.
for the impulsive calls that i dial, please forgive me. i dare not say that i do not know what i am doing but it is close to that. i am trying to control it, and it is working.
i want to smile again. i have a pretty nice smile, too. look!
it may have been intolerable and un-understandable that i wanted to die. i hope none of you had had to live with depression, and if you must understand, it's like pms, only much more pervasive and it hits about seven times harder. there will also be times when your heart seems to be in a hurry to get out of your chest. then you cry for sheer relief that hey, you're alive and well and your heart's still where it's supposed to be, like you knew it would be but daren't believe so.
having said all of that, please wish me luck on this front, it is a difficult time for me.
right now, i don't quite know what else to say. perhaps not saying anything is the best speech ever.
today, i am taking a day off and am going to see the doctor. one thing for sure is that i would very much like your company during this. if you can give me a call, please do. or send me an sms if you are concerned, or are simply wondering how i am.
i will appreciate that very much.
thank you friend, in advance, for telling me that you care about me.
it is with a little trepidation that i type this note in the morning to you.
i think i'm depressed. some of you may know that something's not quite right with me and believe me, i believed the same when i had harmful thoughts some time ago. i've come to the decision to seek help; for i think i am not strong enough for this. i am not the sort to want to kill myself, i recognise that.
it is unfortunate that some things have ended and no doubt i have played a part in those situations. i do not mean for depression to be a miracle pill for my behaviour the past few months, and for all you know, i really do feel that way about certain things. like being sworn at.
but for things like moodswings, desperate calls when i did not know what to do anymore, i offer my sincerest apologies. if i had hurt you, or have had you worried, angry, unsettled, i am deeply sorry. i needed help, and i thought of you.
for the impulsive calls that i dial, please forgive me. i dare not say that i do not know what i am doing but it is close to that. i am trying to control it, and it is working.
i want to smile again. i have a pretty nice smile, too. look!
it may have been intolerable and un-understandable that i wanted to die. i hope none of you had had to live with depression, and if you must understand, it's like pms, only much more pervasive and it hits about seven times harder. there will also be times when your heart seems to be in a hurry to get out of your chest. then you cry for sheer relief that hey, you're alive and well and your heart's still where it's supposed to be, like you knew it would be but daren't believe so.
having said all of that, please wish me luck on this front, it is a difficult time for me.
right now, i don't quite know what else to say. perhaps not saying anything is the best speech ever.
today, i am taking a day off and am going to see the doctor. one thing for sure is that i would very much like your company during this. if you can give me a call, please do. or send me an sms if you are concerned, or are simply wondering how i am.
i will appreciate that very much.
thank you friend, in advance, for telling me that you care about me.
Monday, May 12, 2008
quit it!
eh quit calling him or wanting to call him.
quit hurting him, enough already. your calling him is silly and hurtful. stop it!
grow up k, woman? take his silence as a great big clue already, just let it drop, like he let it drop. let go of stones, remember? let go of stones, and reach for the peaches above.
carry on like this and he'll never love you again. keep on like this and NOBODY will love you ever again.
quit hurting him, enough already. your calling him is silly and hurtful. stop it!
grow up k, woman? take his silence as a great big clue already, just let it drop, like he let it drop. let go of stones, remember? let go of stones, and reach for the peaches above.
carry on like this and he'll never love you again. keep on like this and NOBODY will love you ever again.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
this moment
this moment i realise that i need love.
rather, i realise i need to love. whom is not the issue right now, it just so happens that the last person i loved was him. the earthquakes that used to shake my heart are now knocks on the door. i think i need to decide.
go on and forge forth. i need to love someone. and i will love someone. there is a void in me that i need to fill. smiling as i type this, knowing this is true. i will love, because it is my need. i am glad, now, that i have love. it's flowing, smooth.
at this moment, i'm happy. how cool's that? i'm happy. i'm scared but i'm happy. i'm scared that he won't love me nor return my call nor et cetera et cetera but i'm happy. by and by the fear will fade.
or i can look it in the eye and dig it right out. the important thing now, is that i'm happy. i know it will lead to gladness, joy, security. in actual fact, i have it. it's within me; i'm happy knowing this. i need only myself to be happy, actually.
i choose to be happy. i choose to love. i choose to love, me. : )
open my palms to let go of stones, to reach for the peaches above. and that's the way it should be!
rather, i realise i need to love. whom is not the issue right now, it just so happens that the last person i loved was him. the earthquakes that used to shake my heart are now knocks on the door. i think i need to decide.
go on and forge forth. i need to love someone. and i will love someone. there is a void in me that i need to fill. smiling as i type this, knowing this is true. i will love, because it is my need. i am glad, now, that i have love. it's flowing, smooth.
at this moment, i'm happy. how cool's that? i'm happy. i'm scared but i'm happy. i'm scared that he won't love me nor return my call nor et cetera et cetera but i'm happy. by and by the fear will fade.
or i can look it in the eye and dig it right out. the important thing now, is that i'm happy. i know it will lead to gladness, joy, security. in actual fact, i have it. it's within me; i'm happy knowing this. i need only myself to be happy, actually.
i choose to be happy. i choose to love. i choose to love, me. : )
open my palms to let go of stones, to reach for the peaches above. and that's the way it should be!
logic? logic.
logic denotes that the best revenge is living well.
i will live well. i will look good. i will aim for success, and i will put in the efforts necessary for this.
i will... open my palm, let the stones drop, to reach for the peaches instead. : )
i will live well. i will look good. i will aim for success, and i will put in the efforts necessary for this.
i will... open my palm, let the stones drop, to reach for the peaches instead. : )
the way a friendship ends or lives
it's strange how it's coming all at once.
first about people i've known most of my life, second about a person who i've known for a long time. sometimes, if it does not work anymore, it's just better to say well, so long now, and wish them well.
too often, we wish that we could be more open and closer to people we are supposed to be friends with but somehow, just somehow, it doesn't work out that way.
perhaps it'll be different when we meet again, someday at some cafe, that we'll be able to find some topic of conversation instead of having to struggle to look for one. we all know we'd love to make our friendships work, and that we'd be there for each other if need be.
that is, if one would feel it natural and "alright" to communicate such and such a need to the other, of course. no-one can help right an issue if he/she does not know about it in the first place, no?
thus... i hope we meet in some cafe and smile genuine smiles and be really glad that hey, we meet again. then at least we'll have a reason to not feel too odd about making small talk then toy with the idea of "having lunch again, like we used to".
first about people i've known most of my life, second about a person who i've known for a long time. sometimes, if it does not work anymore, it's just better to say well, so long now, and wish them well.
too often, we wish that we could be more open and closer to people we are supposed to be friends with but somehow, just somehow, it doesn't work out that way.
perhaps it'll be different when we meet again, someday at some cafe, that we'll be able to find some topic of conversation instead of having to struggle to look for one. we all know we'd love to make our friendships work, and that we'd be there for each other if need be.
that is, if one would feel it natural and "alright" to communicate such and such a need to the other, of course. no-one can help right an issue if he/she does not know about it in the first place, no?
thus... i hope we meet in some cafe and smile genuine smiles and be really glad that hey, we meet again. then at least we'll have a reason to not feel too odd about making small talk then toy with the idea of "having lunch again, like we used to".
Saturday, May 10, 2008
friends, et cetera
sometimes you get to a point wherein you realise that the people you've known for more than a decade are suddenly strangers, that, oh yeah, you had indeed known each other for more than ten years but had been acquaintances for the past seven and you'd grown so apart that unless you start liking yoga and watch teevee you're probably not going to get back to where you were with them.
that is when you understand that well, alright. wow. so that's that, then.
sometimes, you also realise that you never want to be without someone. the very idea of him saying hello the way he used to, the shy way he smiles at you when he sees you suddenly floats right before your eyes as though he were really there and all of a sudden, you lose your appetite, wanting his charming hello to be for you and you only.
then you understand that hey you'd been dating. so who's hurt who, really?
well, i think we both know that this is not our time. there. saying it doesn't make it feel better. but this might: while i felt alive that i was actually meeting someone up, i realise i'll never quite like them the way i like you.
and that's the way it is.
that is when you understand that well, alright. wow. so that's that, then.
sometimes, you also realise that you never want to be without someone. the very idea of him saying hello the way he used to, the shy way he smiles at you when he sees you suddenly floats right before your eyes as though he were really there and all of a sudden, you lose your appetite, wanting his charming hello to be for you and you only.
then you understand that hey you'd been dating. so who's hurt who, really?
well, i think we both know that this is not our time. there. saying it doesn't make it feel better. but this might: while i felt alive that i was actually meeting someone up, i realise i'll never quite like them the way i like you.
and that's the way it is.
contemplation
i'm toying with the idea of not falling in love for the next two years. no relationships, no boys, no men, no getting-to-know-you period, no frogs no princes no third parties no online pint-sized distractions -
most of all, no heartaches.
it feels like i'll never love again.
for you, however. i wish you well. may the army help you find out more about yourself, may your job help you find your forte and love and bring you great joy and prosperity. may you become the man i think you'll become.
you'll be fine. don't worry, you'll be fine. life has a funny way of turning out alright. it'll all pass, eh? : )
most of all, no heartaches.
it feels like i'll never love again.
for you, however. i wish you well. may the army help you find out more about yourself, may your job help you find your forte and love and bring you great joy and prosperity. may you become the man i think you'll become.
you'll be fine. don't worry, you'll be fine. life has a funny way of turning out alright. it'll all pass, eh? : )
Friday, May 09, 2008
sad songs
Kace: -smile-
Kace: I've been singing sad songs just now.
Kace: Guess someone upstairs heard then.
Kace: Good on you lar.
Kace: The moments where you smile don't always last long so treasure them.
Kace: And the moments you cry don't last long either, so treasure those to when you smile.
Kace: -hug-
Me: : ) you sang sad songs for me? -moved-
Me: thank you kace. : ) for telling me you care about me.
Me: agh
Me: darn crying again >_<
Me: <-- tear ducts very developed
Kace: Well, hearing that you were sad just made me sing sad songs.
Kace: Just happened.
Me: awww...
Kace: :)
Me: <: )
Me: thank you. sincerely.
Kace: I've been singing sad songs just now.
Kace: Guess someone upstairs heard then.
Kace: Good on you lar.
Kace: The moments where you smile don't always last long so treasure them.
Kace: And the moments you cry don't last long either, so treasure those to when you smile.
Kace: -hug-
Me: : ) you sang sad songs for me? -moved-
Me: thank you kace. : ) for telling me you care about me.
Me: agh
Me: darn crying again >_<
Me: <-- tear ducts very developed
Kace: Well, hearing that you were sad just made me sing sad songs.
Kace: Just happened.
Me: awww...
Kace: :)
Me: <: )
Me: thank you. sincerely.
call
just when i thought things couldn't get any worse - my mum called to say that she's going vegetarian tomorrow and thus is it possible to cancel our mother's day celebration then...
okay, time to lock the door, make friends with the box of tissue and be glad for the privacy afforded to me.
okay, time to lock the door, make friends with the box of tissue and be glad for the privacy afforded to me.
song
for some reason when i was crying in the office, this song came to me.
I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me
He said, "Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I love your Grandma so.
We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter, and this is what it said :
"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me."
I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears
"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me."
then i thanked God for waterproof mascara.
I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me
He said, "Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I love your Grandma so.
We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter, and this is what it said :
"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me."
I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears
"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me."
then i thanked God for waterproof mascara.
contact
wah. contacting mr hew hurt. even when he doesn't reply - or perhaps it's precisely because i know he won't know how to reply and therefore he doesn't. i think i've been hurt quite a bit in this relationship.
army, tuuf, stone-walling.
i should simply stay away until i've truly healed. fall in love with someone else, possibly. cry my tears, let them dry, move on.
yeah it's been more than two months, but felt like i've lost him for longer than that. haha.. welp, i'll be alright. i'll be alright. may's a good month, i know it. i'll be alright.
everything'll be alright.
army, tuuf, stone-walling.
i should simply stay away until i've truly healed. fall in love with someone else, possibly. cry my tears, let them dry, move on.
yeah it's been more than two months, but felt like i've lost him for longer than that. haha.. welp, i'll be alright. i'll be alright. may's a good month, i know it. i'll be alright.
everything'll be alright.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
blast from the past
today, i met one of the ghosts of my past.
his name shall not be mentioned for fear of google searches, as forewarned by a certain mr hew. not that he's warned me about the power of google but because he has found my blogs by googling "apple strudel", back when my landlady used to steal my food.
on impulse, i called out to him, and he came by to say hi. he did not speak my name perhaps for fear that i had changed it, as i had a habit of doing back then. he asked for my namecard, which i had thankfully run out of due to a press conference at the japanese embassy earlier that evening - and i had refused to give him my mobile number. after all, i had almost caused the breakdown of his marriage.
that was a dramatic one, our history, with jealous confrontations (by wife), scandals and money (he's got it, i didn't take it but the wife thought i accepted it). throw in illicit liaisons and you pretty much get the idea of what we had back then. that's what taiwanese drama serials are made of, lol!
i had loved him so. then when i didn't love him, he loved me. that was basically what had almost caused the unfortunate crack in his marriage. i'm glad i left early enough for it to hold together.
at least i hope it's still being held together! i didn't ask, neither.
anyhoos. i made contact after i'd dallied for dinner and had been seen home by a rather "warm" acquaintance. i'd left no tracks, no rope to hold on to.
i'd been wanting to thank him, for the times we had, good and bad. hadn't seen him till today. and today, i finally did.
the end.
his name shall not be mentioned for fear of google searches, as forewarned by a certain mr hew. not that he's warned me about the power of google but because he has found my blogs by googling "apple strudel", back when my landlady used to steal my food.
on impulse, i called out to him, and he came by to say hi. he did not speak my name perhaps for fear that i had changed it, as i had a habit of doing back then. he asked for my namecard, which i had thankfully run out of due to a press conference at the japanese embassy earlier that evening - and i had refused to give him my mobile number. after all, i had almost caused the breakdown of his marriage.
that was a dramatic one, our history, with jealous confrontations (by wife), scandals and money (he's got it, i didn't take it but the wife thought i accepted it). throw in illicit liaisons and you pretty much get the idea of what we had back then. that's what taiwanese drama serials are made of, lol!
i had loved him so. then when i didn't love him, he loved me. that was basically what had almost caused the unfortunate crack in his marriage. i'm glad i left early enough for it to hold together.
at least i hope it's still being held together! i didn't ask, neither.
anyhoos. i made contact after i'd dallied for dinner and had been seen home by a rather "warm" acquaintance. i'd left no tracks, no rope to hold on to.
i'd been wanting to thank him, for the times we had, good and bad. hadn't seen him till today. and today, i finally did.
the end.
the kill
Same Chap: so have you done anything interesting?
Me: nothing i'd call exciting outright, no
Same Chap: lol, would you meet me again, or have i been tossed into the recycled bin?
Me: nothing i'd call exciting outright, no
Same Chap: lol, would you meet me again, or have i been tossed into the recycled bin?
bitter reminder
Me: hey
Me: i've a bit of time now, what's up? : )
Some Chap: nothing much
Some Chap: work as usual
Some Chap: how have you been these last few days?
Me: er. ok lor. the usual.
Me: yourself?
Some Chap: yeah i'm good, just quite tired
Me: i see...
Me: poor you.
Some Chap: tried to sleep early last night but i'm still tired
Me: i see
Me: might be the weather.
Some Chap: yeah it is pretty hot
Me: ^^
this kind of conversation reminds me of my conversations with my ex. he had nothing to say, and i tried to have something to say. right now, i could do without this kind of small talk.
conversations, please. small talk - stand aside unless you're planning to buy something from me. assuming i've something to sell, of course.
Me: i've a bit of time now, what's up? : )
Some Chap: nothing much
Some Chap: work as usual
Some Chap: how have you been these last few days?
Me: er. ok lor. the usual.
Me: yourself?
Some Chap: yeah i'm good, just quite tired
Me: i see...
Me: poor you.
Some Chap: tried to sleep early last night but i'm still tired
Me: i see
Me: might be the weather.
Some Chap: yeah it is pretty hot
Me: ^^
this kind of conversation reminds me of my conversations with my ex. he had nothing to say, and i tried to have something to say. right now, i could do without this kind of small talk.
conversations, please. small talk - stand aside unless you're planning to buy something from me. assuming i've something to sell, of course.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
dinner
i stumbled back home today, having made it in one piece through the busride (seated beside a man with a charming natural smell – one so charming i got quite a headache from it >_<) - and got to my catered dinner quickly.
when i popped the compartmentalised carrier open, boy.
the surge in food prices must've hit them hard.
in one compartment was quite a bit of vegetables, which was good. then there were two BITS of chicken in the next, and two fishballs in the third. the soup had one slice of boiled melon and about five flecks of meat. to be fair though, it was quite enough for a small eater.
so... i'm not complaining, but i won't be surprised if they said, "oh by the way... our new price is...." -_-
when i popped the compartmentalised carrier open, boy.
the surge in food prices must've hit them hard.
in one compartment was quite a bit of vegetables, which was good. then there were two BITS of chicken in the next, and two fishballs in the third. the soup had one slice of boiled melon and about five flecks of meat. to be fair though, it was quite enough for a small eater.
so... i'm not complaining, but i won't be surprised if they said, "oh by the way... our new price is...." -_-
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
O o
he called.
he called and he sms-ed.
what the heck's going on??
wait. relax. don't panic. it's just a call.
he called and he sms-ed.
what the heck's going on??
wait. relax. don't panic. it's just a call.
Monday, May 05, 2008
date
wow. i just went on a date.
a (one) drink at the brewerkz nearby – an impromptu, spontaneous decision – and there we were! it's quite exciting, meeting new people i mean, even if i weren't interested in that chap.
it brings new perspective, and it's a mind-broadening activity: being civil, watching the person find similarities with you, nodding; him being chivalrous – the likes. -grin-
yep, i definitely feel alive.
a (one) drink at the brewerkz nearby – an impromptu, spontaneous decision – and there we were! it's quite exciting, meeting new people i mean, even if i weren't interested in that chap.
it brings new perspective, and it's a mind-broadening activity: being civil, watching the person find similarities with you, nodding; him being chivalrous – the likes. -grin-
yep, i definitely feel alive.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
classes!
yes, i signed up for baptism class after service this morning!
i'm so so glad that i did it; so so glad that i finally felt hey, this is what i need to do, i'm finally sure, i'm finally so so sure that i want to be with Him.
here's waiting for the class of preparation!
i'm so so glad that i did it; so so glad that i finally felt hey, this is what i need to do, i'm finally sure, i'm finally so so sure that i want to be with Him.
here's waiting for the class of preparation!
prayer
Lord, I ask for a man who is expressive Lord; one who is strong and who will call, send word. I pray for someone who is proactive Lord, who will initiate contact like a man should, who is human, who will ask me gently, "what's wrong?" when I'm feeling down Lord. I pray that he will be the kind who is confident enough to be able to talk about the serious stuff as well as the funny stuff. May I simply find a sense of safety in him Lord, that I'll be even stronger when he's around.
I pray, Lord, that the man will be able to tell the difference between being a man and being a hardened chunk of clay. May I be the water that softens the clay, Lord; let him be willing to be softened, and let me be willing to soften him.
Father, I ask that there be a sense of peace when i make the right moves Lord, so I may find happiness and joy. Please uplift my spirits and give me peace.
In Lord Jesus' Name, I pray.
Amen.
I pray, Lord, that the man will be able to tell the difference between being a man and being a hardened chunk of clay. May I be the water that softens the clay, Lord; let him be willing to be softened, and let me be willing to soften him.
Father, I ask that there be a sense of peace when i make the right moves Lord, so I may find happiness and joy. Please uplift my spirits and give me peace.
In Lord Jesus' Name, I pray.
Amen.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
sometimes
y'know, sometimes i feel stupid for wanting to make things easier for the other person. it would look like i'm the bad guy, making last-minute changes in plans when in fact those plans weren't even set up proper.
>_<
>_<
hope
i'm hoping against hope that he'd actually bade his fare-thee-wells after i called and had rushed to try to meet me. <: (
he mumbled something about having classified stuff that he can't tell me about.
what's that got to do with playing games online and failing to .. >_<
i'm too tired to contemplate this.
all i wanted was to hold him to sleep.
he mumbled something about having classified stuff that he can't tell me about.
what's that got to do with playing games online and failing to .. >_<
i'm too tired to contemplate this.
all i wanted was to hold him to sleep.
replacements
wow... when one somehow, just somehow (don't ask me how) just manages to miss the chance to make it all okay, another one actually sms-es me out of nowhere to ask if i'd like to meet.
"what, now?" i'd asked. "but i'm bleary-eyed."
"it's alright even if you're cock-eyed," he'd said.
and i wish i didn't have to compete with someone in a virtual world. i've lost him.
"what, now?" i'd asked. "but i'm bleary-eyed."
"it's alright even if you're cock-eyed," he'd said.
and i wish i didn't have to compete with someone in a virtual world. i've lost him.
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