note

dear all,

it is with a little trepidation that i type this note in the morning to you.

i think i'm depressed. some of you may know that something's not quite right with me and believe me, i believed the same when i had harmful thoughts some time ago. i've come to the decision to seek help; for i think i am not strong enough for this. i am not the sort to want to kill myself, i recognise that.

it is unfortunate that some things have ended and no doubt i have played a part in those situations. i do not mean for depression to be a miracle pill for my behaviour the past few months, and for all you know, i really do feel that way about certain things. like being sworn at.

but for things like moodswings, desperate calls when i did not know what to do anymore, i offer my sincerest apologies. if i had hurt you, or have had you worried, angry, unsettled, i am deeply sorry. i needed help, and i thought of you.

for the impulsive calls that i dial, please forgive me. i dare not say that i do not know what i am doing but it is close to that. i am trying to control it, and it is working.

i want to smile again. i have a pretty nice smile, too. look!

it may have been intolerable and un-understandable that i wanted to die. i hope none of you had had to live with depression, and if you must understand, it's like pms, only much more pervasive and it hits about seven times harder. there will also be times when your heart seems to be in a hurry to get out of your chest. then you cry for sheer relief that hey, you're alive and well and your heart's still where it's supposed to be, like you knew it would be but daren't believe so.


having said all of that, please wish me luck on this front, it is a difficult time for me.

right now, i don't quite know what else to say. perhaps not saying anything is the best speech ever.


today, i am taking a day off and am going to see the doctor. one thing for sure is that i would very much like your company during this. if you can give me a call, please do. or send me an sms if you are concerned, or are simply wondering how i am.

i will appreciate that very much.


thank you friend, in advance, for telling me that you care about me.